Ideas to Consider:

People who care about you make you “fall in love with yourself.” It is up to you to maintain this, but others can begin the process.

We should at least be equally interested in our own reaction, as we are to why another acted as they did.

Consider this: “There’s something going on in that other person’s life that I can’t see. If I knew what it was, his/her behavior would make sense to me.”

Change focus from “who went wrong” to “what went wrong and how can we fix it.”

Consider this: “People often lack insight into how their behavior affects others and how to articulate what is bothering them, or the confidence to speak up (v. simmer).”

Hold people accountable, but with warmth, rather than contempt.

You can be effective or self-righteous, pick one, you can’t have both.

If someone were to say something to you in German, would it still offend you? Why not? Because you take on the personal meaning.

Consider the “Victim, Villain, Hero” triangle- which spot do you favor, which do you avoid? How about the person you’re interacting with? What if you stepped out of all those spots, and were just you?

Don’t argue with an opinion or belief you don’t believe in- instead, look at WHY the person thinks that (misunderstanding, fear, vulnerability?), and approach this with excitement, curiosity, and relaxation.

Don’t let the “perfect” be the enemy of the “good.” Do what you can.

“Refusing to receive leaves us chronically empty, prone to addiction, obsession, codependency, or psychological hunger. Learn to receive wisely. No matter what happens, keep your heart open. The worst that can happen is that only hope is left, when the demons fly out. Start small, practice with no strings attached.” (unknown author)

When someone mentions a thing they are saddened about, you can reframe it gently by making it positive…for example, “I’m sad that my friends and family don’t contact me anymore”…reframe as “I always really liked about you that you care so much about friends and family.”

Often we can hear things over and over again, it’s the way it’s reworded that sticks with people- language and overuse of clichés can negate the meaning entirely.